You know those dreams about going to school and realizing you're naked? We all have them, though I doubt anyone of us has lived them... except for that one time at band camp!
No, seriously. But we do all have our fears, and usually it's because at least one of our fears came true. For me it is peeing my pants. I've come pretty close at times when I laughed really hard, or sneezed, and once when I was about 5, well I don't know why but I did... and it was embarrassing. Probably noone found out except my teacher, and the school nurse who sent me home, but I knew and that's what counts.
Fast forward a couple decades... to yesterday. I get up from my desk at work and run my hand behind my back. I'm fidgeting with my back pocket, which I often do because I can't be still for very long. And then I realize it! I realize why I'd put the particular jeans I'm wearing aside and planned not to wear them anymore. It's because they were gradually ripping just below the back pocket... and now I have a fairly large hole that shows off my ass!
Some people would think "what's the problem?" but though I may be many things, I'm not an exhibitionist, and even if I were, the workplace is not the place to do such things. I'm having flashbacks of kindergarten. I'm imagining having to walk into my boss's office and asking him if he'll excuse me because I have to go home and change my pants. I wonder if he'll pity me like the nurse did, or if this will reflect poorly when my annual review comes along. I can see the words now... "employee did not live up to expectations at work, and furthermore she showed her backside innapropriately." I cringe inside, and decide not to ask my boss for time off.
What do I do? I sit for most of the day. I keep close to my cubicle. And at the end of the day, I go shopping for new jeans. I pull my sweater down, and I try to look fashionable. I tell myself that if anyone sees the whole in my jeans they'll conclude it's on purpose. So I walk like there's nothing wrong and hope it is convincing. Guess what... it works! No one is staring. No one seems to care.
I walk out of the store with three pairs of jeans. I'm so tired that even I don't remember the whole below my back pocket. This denial stuff really works I tell ya!
Now I'm home and I'm safe. Nobody will know about my pseudo-exhibitionism... except you of course, but you're not telling, right?! I laugh at myself and get ready for bed. And I hope those dreams about peeing my pants will stop! LOL
No, seriously. But we do all have our fears, and usually it's because at least one of our fears came true. For me it is peeing my pants. I've come pretty close at times when I laughed really hard, or sneezed, and once when I was about 5, well I don't know why but I did... and it was embarrassing. Probably noone found out except my teacher, and the school nurse who sent me home, but I knew and that's what counts.
Fast forward a couple decades... to yesterday. I get up from my desk at work and run my hand behind my back. I'm fidgeting with my back pocket, which I often do because I can't be still for very long. And then I realize it! I realize why I'd put the particular jeans I'm wearing aside and planned not to wear them anymore. It's because they were gradually ripping just below the back pocket... and now I have a fairly large hole that shows off my ass!
Some people would think "what's the problem?" but though I may be many things, I'm not an exhibitionist, and even if I were, the workplace is not the place to do such things. I'm having flashbacks of kindergarten. I'm imagining having to walk into my boss's office and asking him if he'll excuse me because I have to go home and change my pants. I wonder if he'll pity me like the nurse did, or if this will reflect poorly when my annual review comes along. I can see the words now... "employee did not live up to expectations at work, and furthermore she showed her backside innapropriately." I cringe inside, and decide not to ask my boss for time off.
What do I do? I sit for most of the day. I keep close to my cubicle. And at the end of the day, I go shopping for new jeans. I pull my sweater down, and I try to look fashionable. I tell myself that if anyone sees the whole in my jeans they'll conclude it's on purpose. So I walk like there's nothing wrong and hope it is convincing. Guess what... it works! No one is staring. No one seems to care.
I walk out of the store with three pairs of jeans. I'm so tired that even I don't remember the whole below my back pocket. This denial stuff really works I tell ya!
Now I'm home and I'm safe. Nobody will know about my pseudo-exhibitionism... except you of course, but you're not telling, right?! I laugh at myself and get ready for bed. And I hope those dreams about peeing my pants will stop! LOL
No comments:
Post a Comment